Whingeing whiteys

So, Cyril Ramaphosa said a Racist Thing. Well, boo hoo, white South Africa. Boo hoo.

Let’s just get all the other crap out of the way and then I’ll get into what I really want to say. Let me save you the trouble. I’m a libtard, I’m a fucktard, it’s not okay to polarise South African society any more than it already is, I’m a bleeding heart lefty pinko liberal, and I’m clearly as stupid as all hell. Anything else? Feel free to add your insults to the comment box.

I’m not going to debate the merits of what Cyril said, because enough of that has been done on social media, and it’s just giving the story more traction than it deserves, in my view. (And I have strong Afrikaner roots before you start on that little jaunt too.)

I am going to point out, though that it’s an election year and politicians are going to be saying stupid things left, right and centre. Strap yourselves in until the votes are counted. There will be empty promises, empty platitudes and empty heads aplenty. It’s the nature of the beast. And if you get offended by every little utterance, you’re going to get ulcers and have a stroke.

What I want to tackle is the whining from white people about racism against them. You have no friggin’ clue what it is to experience racism. Nor do I. But a lot of you (yes, I know not all of you) practise it on a daily basis without even realising it. And that’s what really gets my outrage index climbing at an exponential rate.

Let me give you some examples. You are racist when:

• You tell me in the school car park that you couldn’t park your massive 4×4 properly because an elderly black woman was standing slightly over the parking line and “they don’t move out of the way”. Yes. True story.
• You send out emails to all your white friends with jokes about Sipho or Jabulani’s stupidity.
• You talk about “these people” and the mess “they’ve” made of the country.
• You use words like zot, darkie (I’ve been guilty of that one), non-swimmers, raghead, churra, goffel, etc. And if you’re still using the k-word, even in supposed jest, then please piss off to Australia or some other godforsaken place that will have you.
• You still talk about your “garden boy” or “girl”. And while “maid” isn’t precisely racist, it’s bloody insulting. Who do you think you are? Lord fricking Downton?
• You call black men ‘Chief’ and black women ‘Sisi’. No, just no. Stop that right now.
• You “can’t pronounce black names”. Really? And then you mock the newsreader for saying “cowntry” or “vowlence” on TV? Double standards much? Make the effort. The orthography (the spelling system, so you don’t have to google) of black languages is far simpler and far more consistent than English. Show some respect and find out how to pronounce people’s names. It really isn’t that hard.
• You lower your voice to refer to someone as black.
• You automatically assume that all criminals are non-white.
• You tell people that you don’t go to certain places because “it’s become very black”.
• You talk to white shop assistants like people and non-white shop assistants like they’re retarded and/or deaf.
• You remark that Gugu or Mpho or Lebo is “such a lovely” person in that patronising tone that clearly indicates the unspoken “despite the fact that they’re black”.
• You say “I’m not racist, but…” or “This is going to sound racist, but…”

I’ll stop now – there are examples aplenty, and I encounter this kind of thing every day and it incenses me. But here’s a newsflash in case you hadn’t noticed: South Africa is made up largely of people who are not white. I’m sorry to break it to you like this, but that’s the bald truth.

And actually, you should be rejoicing if your kids’ school, or the CBD, or your favourite shopping mall (gasp) is becoming very black. That’s what it’s supposed to be like. That is what South Africa looks like. Suck it up, princess, or go and build yourself a fortress somewhere else where the scary black people can’t get you. FFS.

And let me say one last thing. Cyril may have been wrong to say what he said. No doubt he’ll say he was quoted out of context – it’s our government’s favourite excuse. But given the institutionalised racism that still exists in this country, I’m not surprised when things like that happen, particularly during election time, and actually, I’m not even offended.