Finding my voice

May 13, 2015 § 3 Comments

A decade ago, a surgeon removed a small bony protuberance from my foot and changed the biomechanics of my foot forever. 

The bunion was gone, sure, but the arches of my foot would never really recover and I spent a long time and a lot of money on getting my foot to the point of manageable health.

And then I had to learn to trust it again.

It’s a terrible thing, not trusting your own foot to be firm and steady when you’re scrambling over rocks, or walking down stairs. I often dreamt I was falling, and would wake, startled and sweaty, my heart hammering out an ominous rhythm of fear.

But now that I’m finally on a better life path, a funny thing has happened: I’m learning to trust my foot again and it’s so much better. And a parallel thing is happening on the other end of my body.

Because a couple of years ago, I began a process of finding my voice again. Figuratively, yes, but literally too.

Just over a year ago, I sang a handful of my own songs to an assembled audience on an autumn Sunday evening that in many ways became a turning point for me. 

This past Sunday night I did it again, and I could feel the change in my voice. It was so much freer this time. I was nervous, but I wasn’t afraid. And I found the courage to open my throat just a little bit wider, to let a little more of my voice out,

It’s not completely liberated yet. My musician friend says he’d still like to hear me give it more stick, really give it all I’ve got.

And I will. Of that I have no doubt. It’s a process, and I don’t think I’m quite ready.

But when I am, nothing will hold me back.


§ 3 Responses to Finding my voice

  • MRJones says:

    I learned to walk again after a compound fracture of my left ankle. I will never run again. I give thanks I didn’t have to change my name to Stumpy, keep walking, and sing to my cats. Keep writing and singing.


  • A year post carpal tunnel release I still don’t completely trust my hand but it’s a work-in-progress.
    Sing Mandy sing! My daughter sounds downright awful sometimes yet she’s one of the lead singers of their band. Still find that hard to believe sometimes 😀 but when she performs it’s music to my ears, not because she’s my daughter but because I realise that her bad singing at home is her finding and acquainting herself with her voice.

    Liked by 1 person

  • Marie Keates says:

    I broke my foot in four places some years ago and it took me almost two years to really trust it again.

    Liked by 1 person

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